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Thursday, August 30, 2012

Worst movie ever made "Troll 2" Review

THE FUCK!!! This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen. Words can’t describe how terrible this movie is but I am going to try my best. The movie is a mess. Every scene has such abysmal content it is an embarrassment to cinema.

Little Joshua is a kid that can see the ghost of his dead grandfather. Grandpa warns him that if his family goes on their planned vacation to the town of Nilbog they will get eaten by Goblins (In case you didn’t notice Nilbog is Goblin spelled backwards). Joshua warns them but they go anyway. You have probably guessed that Grandpa was right about the goblins being there but what you haven’t guessed is that the goblins are vegetarian; yes you read it correctly, VEGETARIAN GOBLINS. By the way in case you are wondering this movie has nothing to do with trolls and it doesn’t have any connection to the movie “Troll”. The goblins turn humans into plants so they can eat them, but don’t worry, Joshua has a way to stop his family from eating the food that turns them to plants; with the help from grandpa who can freeze time just once for the entire film, he has time to pee on the food.

I am not going to give away the whole plot though. Not that it would spoil anything if I do; it’s just that you wouldn’t believe me if I told you what happens throughout the film. Saying that this film is terrible would be a gigantic understatement. I’m not even sure anyone can write a review that clearly represents this film because I had heard really bad things about this film and yet it somehow managed to be 100 times worse than what I was expecting. It is one of those movies you just have to see for yourself. One scene involves little Joshua having to eat a bologna sandwich to protect himself from getting eaten by the vegetarian goblins.

See what I mean? I just can’t stop ranting about this film because it is just that terrible. However this movie has one redeeming quality; it is funnier than most comedies these days. So if you are in a group with a bunch of your buddies and want to have a good laugh then you could do a lot worse.


What is the worst movie you have ever seen? Click here to cast your vote.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Batman vs Batman vs Batman. "The Dark Knight Rises" Review.

I have come up with a list that I call my “full confidence” list. It is made up of film directors that have 100% of my trust for whatever they are doing even if it sounds like a bad idea. I always have high expectations for them and I look forward to their next film. There are only a handful of directors on that list because in order to be on it they have to be at a certain point in their career where nothing less than a masterpiece is expected by them and they usually deliver. It’s not that they can do no wrong, because most of the directors on the list have a few stinkers, but the possibility of them turning out anything less than excellent is practically nonexistent. Although it plays a big part, the director’s track record isn’t the deciding factor on being added to the list, the short answer is that when they are ready to be on the list I will just know(It usually happens after a certain movie in their career).

The latest director to be added to the list is the auteur behind the batman series Christopher Nolan. He made the list back in 2010 when he directed the masterpiece called “Inception”. It was my favorite movie of the year back then and made me realize that Nolan wasn’t just a great director for the batman series but the real deal.

So naturally after adding Nolan to the list I was waiting forever to watch “The Dark Knight Rises” ever since it was announced, and boy was it worth the wait“The Dark Knight Rises” is a spectacularly made film with everything I could ask for in a movie. To explain the plot would be futile, as it is very deep and complex much like Inception, so I’m not going to even try, but I will say that unlike “The Avengers” which is just plain old fashioned fun, “Rises” is the most ambitious superhero film ever made. Trying to choose my favorite out of the 3 Nolan Batmans is like trying to order one thing at the cheesecake factory; it’s very hard to do but I have to do it.

“Batman Begins” is an excellent start for the series as it builds batman as a dark symbol rather than a guy in a rubber suit. It makes batman into a realistic character that could exist in reality and gives him villains that are grounded with clear motivations and fully fledged actions. He doesn’t fight crazy mutants or deranged lunatics, but mobsters, corrupt police officers, and extremist terrorists. Plus let’s not forget that it takes about an hour to see the suited Batman for the first time, in a scene involving him tossing thugs around like ragdolls.

“The Dark Knight” went a step further; more mobsters, more Batman, and more thug tossing. The Joker is a villain that is motivated only by chaos and corruption and Heath Ledger who plays him brings us a Joker that had never even been imagined before. Jack Nicholson was funny in “Batman” but he wasn’t playing the Joker, he was playing Jack Nicholson.

“The Dark Knight Rises” is on par with its predecessor making it hard for me to choose between them. In the end I would say that “The Dark Knight” is the better made film overall and I have more respect for it but that isn’t the reason I am choosing it over “Rises”; the one thing that is noticeably missing from “Rises” is the Joker. If Heath Ledger was still alive I could see no excuse to why he wasn’t in the film because the Joker would have played a big role in it, and that is why I am choosing “The Dark Knight”. Heath Ledger won an academy award for playing the Joker and for what its worth I think Anne Hathaway should win one for this movie to. Yes she was that good.

But enough of “Sophie’s Choice”. Regardless of its flaws, it is the best movie of the year so far. Go and see it!!!


Im sure some of you are wondering what my full confidence list consists of. I present to you the full list: in alphabetical order.

Christopher Nolan
James Cameron
Martin Scorsese
Peter Jackson
Quentin Tarantino
Steven Spielberg

Do you have any director that would make your list? Click here to cast your vote.

PS: I want to express my disgust over the Aurora shooting in Colorado. The culprit has done such a horrible thing on many levels; killing people, injuring others, damaging the reputation of the movie, and making moviegoers afraid of going to the movies.

Marvel-ous!!! "The Avengers" Review

Marvel’s “The Avengers” is a fun ride from start to finish. Clever dialogue, intense action, abundant humor, and some damn impressive special effects, make this an unforgettable film with plenty to like for everyone.

Joss Whedon really likes the characters and makes sure it is known throughout the movie. If you have already seen the movie then it would be easier to describe Joss as the kid at the end that was describing to the camera what happened at the climax “It was all BOOOOOM!!! And then the big green guy was all ‘RAAAAHHH!!!’ And then it was all like BSSSHHHH and BANG BANG BOOM!!!” That’s right, Joss Whedon is like a kid playing with toys and we are watching it, albeit his toys aren’t action figures but actors, computers, and cameras, and his toys cost 220 million dollars, but who cares if they cost that much if the movie makes close to 1.5 billion.

Like I said this film is really fun. The plot is almost irrelevant but just to humor you guys: You have Loki, brother of Thor trying to step on the human race like they are ants and he is a boot. Nick Furry who can’t let that happen calls together the dream team of heroes: Iron Man, Captain America, The Hulk, Black Widow, and Thor. That is “The Avengers” initiative; to bring the world’s mightiest heroes together to defeat the world’s greatest threat. The heroes don’t get along very well at first because they are either jealous of each other, they all try to run things their way, and they one up each other constantly. This provides us with some of the most entertaining scenes in superhero film history, as the concept alone of heroes battling each other is amusing.

You have Iron Man fighting Thor, Thor fighting The Hulk, The Hulk chasing down Black Widow, Black Widow fighting Hawkeye, and a three-way between Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America (anyway you take that you have to admit that it sounds entertaining). Nothing is to extreme though because they are fighting more like rivaling siblings than actual enemies. “Does your mother know you wear her clothes?” “Im stronger than you” “Puny humans” and stuff like that are some of the childish insult thrown at each other before they all decide to stop quarreling to defeat their real enemy. When that happens the movie comes to its climax and the big explosions and great New York City destruction fills the screen. Get ready to cheer out loud as the fun never stops and the end satisfies you immensely.

Im not going to lie, there were some huge missteps with the film that made it lose some credibility and prestige, such as the very formulaic story, average acting, and familiar cinematography, but when I left the movie theater my exact words where “Damn! That was good.” I would even go as far as to say that the average acting is not so important because the real star of the film is Joss Whedon.

Some films are sophisticated, some films are emotional, some films are, pardon my French, mindfucks, and some films are witty, but this was just plain fun, I enjoyed myself and I don’t regret seeing it at all.


My favorite of the avengers is The Hulk. Who is yours? Click here to cast your vote.

I'll have a battle royale with cheese. "The Hunger Games" Review

IM BACK BABY!!! OK I know I know; I didn’t post the reviews of the films I said I would and to add insult to injury I left you guys hanging for over a month. Let me explain: I was both on vacation and staycation. I went to my second home Greece to visit my friends and family and to spend the summer there and have fun. I could have continued to write reviews from there and that is where the staycation came to be. I really wanted to continue writing from Greece but the overwhelmingly fun time I spent there really didn’t give me much room to do this. Next time something like this happens at least I am going to be prepared and don’t make a promise I can’t keep.
In order to make it up to you guys, I have prepared something very special; a review of the 3 biggest blockbusters of the year so far: “The Hunger Games”, “The Avenger’s”, and “The Dark Knight Rises”. And this time instead of promising something and then not going through with it, I am going to write all 3 of them and then post them together. First is the newly released on DVD “The Hunger Games”

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past 8 months, you have probably heard of “The Hunger Games”; but for the sub-rock residents here is a brief summary: It is based on the first installment of the highly successful young-adult, action, book series of the same name written by Susanne Collins.

I don’t want to give away much of the plot because finding out about it is the best part, but the main story goes like this: Sometime in the future, where America has been renamed “Panem”, there is an annual televised event called the hunger games, where young adults and teenagers battle to the death until one survives. The winner might be filled with riches and glory but after what goes on in the games the most valuable prize is being allowed to live. The story follows a 16 year old girl named Katniss as she experiences the horror of the games through her own eyes instead of through her television. A boy named Peeta is the deuteragonist as he comes from Katniss’ hometown, district 12 and acts as a catalyst for the emotional essence of the story.

Gary Ross directs the film, and makes sure to be quite faithful to the book even if some die-hard fans nitpick at some small changes. I consider myself a die-hard fan of the book as it is probably the second greatest book I have read in my life( with my absolute favorite being the book that spawned my favorite movie of 2011). I must confess that because of my determination to like this film, I did inject some bias into my first evaluation of the film and gave it a higher score than I should, but now that I have seen it 3 times I feel confident that I have been professional and have judged the film fairly and accurately.

As a film critic I have to admit that the film is massively flawed; there are only 2 or 3 standout performances, the cinematography is noticeably lacking, the special effects are nothing more than average, and even at about 2 hours and 20 minutes the film still feels rushed. But giving it a rating based solely on the quality of its production would go against my beliefs as a critic. “Entertainment over art” is my motto and this film definitely passes the entertainment test. I enjoyed it quite a lot and admired how some scenes where made with plenty of artistic vision by Garry.

Many of the film's detractors point out that the plot is similar to that of "Battle Royale" with more cheesiness or "The Running Man". I would be lying if I said that those observations aren't true but I don't really care how similar two plots are as long as the executions are different.

Jennifer Lawrence who plays Katniss gives by far the best performance in the film, surpassing not only her costar Josh Hutcherson, but veteran actors like Stanley Tucci and Woody Harrleson. Other welcome cast members include Elizabeth Banks, Donald Sutherland, Willow Shields, and Lenny Kravitz; all of whom give memorable traits to their characters.

Eventually this film succeeds because it does not become a slave of its source material; it coexists with it quite harmoniously and gives the fans what they want: a fun and exciting adventure film that people will enjoy, even if it is flawed and altered from the book.


What is your favorite movie of the year so far? Click here to cast your vote. Mine is one of the 3 movies I’ll be reviewing, can you guess which one before I give out all their scores?