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Sunday, September 30, 2012

Harrison Ford is Retiring!!! "Blade Runner" Review.


Back in my review of “District 9” I made up the term “Social Fiction” a combination of social commentary and science fiction. “Blade Runner” is a perfect example of that genre; it questions the nature of humanity, it challenges what preconceptions about the future we may have, and it gives us something to think about when it comes to science fiction.
Sure this film has a fair amount of flying cars, robots, and futuristic looking skyscrapers, but they are all presented in a very pessimistic and dark way, making L.A. look very much like a noir film with Harrison Ford being the detective with the trench coat and the hat, except without the hat. It also reminds me a lot of the film “Taxi Driver” because of the showcasing of the city in such a grim way making it a character within its own right.

Harrison Ford plays Rick Deckard, and his job is to find replicants (robots) that humans have no more use for and retire (kill) them. The word retirement is cleverly chosen to avoid giving the replicants human traits since killing someone assumes that they were alive to begin with and that is a characteristic that should be reserved for humans and animals. Deckard is assigned to find and retire 4 replicants Roy, Leon, Zhora, and Pris. The job isn’t easy and certainly requires more than just shooting the replicants in the face.

I couldn't tell you that much more because I frankly didn't understand much of it. The script, although very intriguing and thought provoking, forgets to entertain on the most basic level. Ridley Scott is certainly the right director for this kind of subject and does a terrific job but it just isn't enough. Ford also does a great job as always somehow managing to balance 3 iconic characters without them blending into each other; Deckard doesn't have any Han Solo or Indiana Jones in him.

This film is a great example of an idea gone too far. The movie is too much subtext and not enough text, there are too many ideas and concepts of humanity and where we are headed, for us to handle, and we get lost in this amazingly designed, beautifully filmed, astonishingly imagined, but undeniably boring piece of cinema. I’m not going to say that this is a polished turd because I don’t believe that the film is actually bad while appearing good, no this film is actually magnificent, I just didn't enjoy watching it. I recommend watching this film at your own risk because some of the ideas in it are very hard to swallow but in the end you won’t regret watching it.

5/10

Tell me what you thought about the film in the comments below. I really really really want to hear your opinion.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Transformer ate my Octopus. "Transformers" review.


My last review on the blog was primarily aimed towards delusional teenage girls who thought that “Twilight” was a good movie. Now it’s time for the boys. “Transformers” is the ultimate dumbed down version of and action flick, showing so much stupidity and lacking any sense of excitement. Sure the special effects are terrific and mesmerizing but they are devoid of any reasonable justification, imagination, or logic.

Here is the deal; good giant robots fight against bad giant robots, somewhere in the fight is an annoying kid played by Shia Labeauf, and a porn sta… I mean prostitu… I mean crack wh…  I mean an attractive female sidekick played by Megan Fox. Some explosions happen, robots hit each other, and then Octopus Prime Rib recites some Shakespeare.

Of course the plot usually doesn’t matter in pictures like this does it? We just want to see big chunks of metal crash into each other and explode right? Well sure, and I have no problem with that, but when you have been leading up to the grand finale for 2 hours and it finally comes and looks like it was cut together by a seizing elephant and directed by Smeagol from The Lord of the Rings, it is a major cop out. The whole movie looks like a gigantic episode of “Mythbusters” without any of the realism, the science, or the humor, just explosions.

Why am I being so harsh on this movie? Well the reason being is that I tried really hard to enjoy this film, I really did. I watched with devotion and high expectations, I even watched on a high definition screen with home cinema, and I still couldn’t get past it. At one point during the film I think I even started playing cards with my cousin because I was just so bored and tuned out. There might as well have been static on the tely after a while because I just didn’t care what happened, my eyes where looking at the screen while my mind was on “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

If you are able to enjoy it then good for you because it will certainly cure an action sci-fi craving, but don’t expect it to please anything but your eyes and maybe your genitals if you are in to Megan Fox. I didn’t enjoy it though and unfortunately they say it is the best in the series so there is not much hope for me and the sequels.

5/10

Tell me in the comments if you liked the film and its sequels. And then here is a question for you: What film that you enjoy a lot would you admit is fairly mindless and unintelligent? I really like “Independence Day”. Post a comment; I fixed it so that anyone can comment with or without an account.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Vampires on the Titanic!!! "Twilight". Review


Twilight is the sort of movie that you can have fun with by watching it with the mindset you have when you watch a comedy. As I begin to dissect this movie keep in mind that if you are a female between the ages of 13 and 19 you are probably going to hate me for what I say about it but teenage girls, just like teenage boys with the transformers movies, need a reality check.

Kristen Stewart plays Bella; a girl than is so unlikable and yet everyone in the film seems to ignore that. She moves in with her dad, a walking talking stereotype of a cop complete with a thick mustache and an appropriate “Don’t touch my daughter” attitude. At her new school she meets Edward, who saves her one day from getting crushed by a car and so naturally Bella falls in love with him just like any normal person would do right? Well as it turns out Edward is a vampire and he just happens to look like Robert Pattinson. After a cool demonstration on how instead of dying he sparkles like Elton John when he is under sunlight, the cute couple starts dating. Oh and by the way did I mention that Edward can read everyone’s mind except for Bella? Yeah I guess not being able to read a woman’s mind is his fetish. Anyway the film then plays like the film “Titanic” only instead of having great characters, music, effects, costumes, and sets; we have Edward showing off by playing the piano for Bella and climbing trees.

The acting is pretty dire, the sets look super fake, the cinematography is bleak and disappointing, the dialogue is beyond atrocious, and every character seems to have the intelligence of a dead cat. All that being said however, I was pleasantly surprised by how much the film didn’t suck, given all the bad reputation it has. It isn’t by any means a good movie but it is hardly the worst film ever made (No that honor belongs to the one and only “Troll 2”, my review of which you can find here).

In the end, this film is more about making money than it is about being a proper film. I haven’t read the books myself but the serious lack of any visual justification of existence on the big screen for this movie makes me think that the books are much better.

5/10

Im curious as to if I am correct about the books. Tell me are they better, worse, or equally bad? Click here to cast your vote.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Tribute to Michael Clarke Dunkan


OK. So the big man is dead and I have a duty as a film critic to pay tribute to him. I’m not going to lie; I wasn’t a huge fan of his movies but credit should be given where it is due, the man could act. He might not have been in many great movies but no matter how ridiculous his role was or how absurd the movies premise was he always had the conviction required and always gave his character likeability.
As I said he hasn’t been in that many good movies in his career but some of them stand out, and I am going to talk about some of them.

“The Island” is a very entertaining film directed by Michael Bay, and has a very interesting premise: Pay enough money and you can have a clone of yourself made. It’s sort of an insurance policy because if, god forbid, you need a new kidney, a new liver, or a bone marrow transplant, you have a donor waiting for you to get sick just so they can give up their organs. It’s an exciting plot and is carried nicely by good acting but Michael Bay being the Antichrist to Steven Spielberg’s Messiah, goes and dumbs it down for the audience. Anyway Michael Clarke Duncan has a small but brilliant role in this film, and he can make you really scared about the stuff that happens in the film.

Duncan had another small but interesting role in “Sin City”, the black & white noir film based on Frank Miller’s comic book series of the same name. His role is pivotal in putting everything together and making the film whole. He is pretty menacing with his deep voice, his tall height, and his red eye (occasionally there are some colored objects in the otherwise black & white movie), and just the way he presents himself is very different from what he usually played.
And then of course we have the movie that defined his career. “The Green Mile” is known to make grown men cry, and not because that one guy steps on a cute mouse. Duncan is so tragic in the role, and it comes as a shock to those watching it for the first time because you wouldn’t expect someone that looks 7 feet tall and sounds like a gorilla, to be so sensitive and gentile. He is undoubtedly the centerpiece of the film and it is definitely worth watching for him alone.

Now I don’t want to rate these films because I am not really giving them full reviews, I’m just paying tribute to the big man and his legacy. R.I.P

What is your favorite M.C.D movie? Click here to cast your vote.
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