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Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Transformer ate my Octopus. "Transformers" review.

My last review on the blog was primarily aimed towards delusional teenage girls who thought that “Twilight” was a good movie. Now it’s time for the boys. “Transformers” is the ultimate dumbed down version of and action flick, showing so much stupidity and lacking any sense of excitement. Sure the special effects are terrific and mesmerizing but they are devoid of any reasonable justification, imagination, or logic.

Here is the deal; good giant robots fight against bad giant robots, somewhere in the fight is an annoying kid played by Shia Labeauf, and a porn sta… I mean prostitu… I mean crack wh…  I mean an attractive female sidekick played by Megan Fox. Some explosions happen, robots hit each other, and then Octopus Prime Rib recites some Shakespeare.

Of course the plot usually doesn’t matter in pictures like this does it? We just want to see big chunks of metal crash into each other and explode right? Well sure, and I have no problem with that, but when you have been leading up to the grand finale for 2 hours and it finally comes and looks like it was cut together by a seizing elephant and directed by Smeagol from The Lord of the Rings, it is a major cop out. The whole movie looks like a gigantic episode of “Mythbusters” without any of the realism, the science, or the humor, just explosions.

Why am I being so harsh on this movie? Well the reason being is that I tried really hard to enjoy this film, I really did. I watched with devotion and high expectations, I even watched on a high definition screen with home cinema, and I still couldn’t get past it. At one point during the film I think I even started playing cards with my cousin because I was just so bored and tuned out. There might as well have been static on the tely after a while because I just didn’t care what happened, my eyes where looking at the screen while my mind was on “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

If you are able to enjoy it then good for you because it will certainly cure an action sci-fi craving, but don’t expect it to please anything but your eyes and maybe your genitals if you are in to Megan Fox. I didn’t enjoy it though and unfortunately they say it is the best in the series so there is not much hope for me and the sequels.


Tell me in the comments if you liked the film and its sequels. And then here is a question for you: What film that you enjoy a lot would you admit is fairly mindless and unintelligent? I really like “Independence Day”. Post a comment; I fixed it so that anyone can comment with or without an account.

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