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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Vampires on the Titanic!!! "Twilight". Review

Twilight is the sort of movie that you can have fun with by watching it with the mindset you have when you watch a comedy. As I begin to dissect this movie keep in mind that if you are a female between the ages of 13 and 19 you are probably going to hate me for what I say about it but teenage girls, just like teenage boys with the transformers movies, need a reality check.

Kristen Stewart plays Bella; a girl than is so unlikable and yet everyone in the film seems to ignore that. She moves in with her dad, a walking talking stereotype of a cop complete with a thick mustache and an appropriate “Don’t touch my daughter” attitude. At her new school she meets Edward, who saves her one day from getting crushed by a car and so naturally Bella falls in love with him just like any normal person would do right? Well as it turns out Edward is a vampire and he just happens to look like Robert Pattinson. After a cool demonstration on how instead of dying he sparkles like Elton John when he is under sunlight, the cute couple starts dating. Oh and by the way did I mention that Edward can read everyone’s mind except for Bella? Yeah I guess not being able to read a woman’s mind is his fetish. Anyway the film then plays like the film “Titanic” only instead of having great characters, music, effects, costumes, and sets; we have Edward showing off by playing the piano for Bella and climbing trees.

The acting is pretty dire, the sets look super fake, the cinematography is bleak and disappointing, the dialogue is beyond atrocious, and every character seems to have the intelligence of a dead cat. All that being said however, I was pleasantly surprised by how much the film didn’t suck, given all the bad reputation it has. It isn’t by any means a good movie but it is hardly the worst film ever made (No that honor belongs to the one and only “Troll 2”, my review of which you can find here).

In the end, this film is more about making money than it is about being a proper film. I haven’t read the books myself but the serious lack of any visual justification of existence on the big screen for this movie makes me think that the books are much better.


Im curious as to if I am correct about the books. Tell me are they better, worse, or equally bad? Click here to cast your vote.

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